Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
