you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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