tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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