alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
