I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
