I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
