I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
