i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
