Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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