She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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