the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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