She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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