if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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