there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
