he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
