Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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