Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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