She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
