I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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