look no pants
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
