Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
