How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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