9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
