and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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