my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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