Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
