Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
