I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
