How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
