Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
