I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
