I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
