people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
