He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
