Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
