Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
