God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
