he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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