Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
