My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Crop dusting thru forever 21
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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