you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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