Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Pooping to opera.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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