All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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