There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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