i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
