So drunk, too bad you don't want this
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
