my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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