Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
