I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
