I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
