I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
